The thought of never getting better...

What if I'm sick forever?

I’ve now reached my one year mark of being diagnosed with POTS (though I was sick for a while before this). Back then, I never even imagined the thought of being this sick over a year later. I thought the beta blockers, the salt pills, or the compression stockings surely would make things better. I hoped to be one of the lucky few that “grew out of POTS.”

For a short time, some of those things did help. I saw great improvements with beta blockers, but that was short-lived. Summer hit and it was a downward spiral. I wondered when and if this sickness would ever leave me.

Here I am, one year later, and still very much struggling with this awful disorder. The thought of never getting better really is daunting. My grandfather once told me, “life ain’t much without your health.” Oh, how I’ve learned that he was right. I find myself missing my old life all the time.

I am more functional than some people with POTS. I work full time, I do my best to exercise on my recumbent bike (though I’m yet to see the improvements from this). But it’s really difficult for me, and I feel sick everyday. I want to give up all the time, but I know that if I do it’ll probably only get worse.

When I bring up my concern of not getting better to others, they usually say, "of course you'll get better" or "you'll definitely get better." I know they are trying to be encouraging, but what if they're wrong? What if I really do struggle with POTS for the rest of my life? Not to be devil's advocate, but it is a possibility!

It can be difficult to stay positive. Usually, I do a pretty good job of it, but POTS is taxing and discouraging. Sometimes, I cry and just let it all out. I try to remind myself that it doesn’t do much good to sit there and feel sorry for myself.

I think hope is what we should hold on to. I sincerely hope that none of us have to live with POTS for the rest of our lives.

Let’s just take this one day at a time. As always, I’d love to hear your story and your comments below :)

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